Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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