Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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