made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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