porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
