CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
