Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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