My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
