there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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