Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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