Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
