Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
