i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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