happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
