Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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