Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
A bitchslap is in order.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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