Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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