my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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