I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
