i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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