I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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