dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
