You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
