in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
