just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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