We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
