Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
