I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
