2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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