I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Randomize
