I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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