Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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