I can text with my tongue
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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