Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
