Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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