I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
