Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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