Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
