Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
