You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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