i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
