Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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