Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
