hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
