sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
