he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
