that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
