Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
