Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
