I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
