Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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