I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
