My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
