So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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