I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
