you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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