Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
