He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
