Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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