I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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