you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
