I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
