Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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