I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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