she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
