There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
