so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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