Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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