I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
