Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
