found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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