new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
