He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
