What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
