i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
