i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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