Sponge bath it is.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
