This house was built for laser tag.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
