Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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