So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
