I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
should my penis look like a turkey
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
